April Fool’s...

The decision to include the Museum of the Dog within the new stadium to be built on Manhattan's east side was endorsed by not only the Dolan family, the owners of MSG, but all competitors bidding on the site itself. This singular sign of unity was no doubt prompted by Mayor Bloomberg's decision to run and manage the restaurant within the museum as a sop to “The Donald's” recent purchase of various kennel clubs throughout the world. The entire deal hinged on the agreement of the Museum's Board to contribute annually one-half of the cost of running the Museum. In the past, the sole criteria to become a Director of the Museum was to purchase a single ticket to the Friday gala prior to Westminster. Which, one may add, was considered too economically demanding by some Board members! Happily a majority agreed to this condition, which is frequently the basis for membership on any charitable board. I am happy to say that within the next five years, the Museum of the Dog will return to its original home of New York City. It was with amazement that I read of the decision to combine the offices of AKC with Mar-a-Largo in Palm Beach, Florida. Not that I have anything against Palm Beach nor Mar-a-Largo, but I can't help but wonder how the Delegates feel about moving to the very city which kennel club was refused membership by that austere body. True, times have changed but the zoning which prevented the Federal Government from accepting the Post families gift of Mar-a-Largo as the summer White House has not. Planes flying into Palm Beach still fly over the site, which, of course, was the reason given for the Delegate's opposition to permitting Palm Beach to become a member club in the first place? Or do I have a case of “Oldzheimer's” and have I forgotten the real reason for that denial? If you had to guess my choice between Crawford, Texas, and Palm Beach for the summer White House, you all know without a doubt where I would be heading. Chopping wood ain't my conception of real fun. But don't forget I own Airedales and Skyes, and not Scotties. While the idea of making Angelina Jolie president has its own eye-candy appeal, I was amazed to read that Maureen Dowd has agreed to become CEO and CFO of the latest Trump acquisition. I never realized that Trump was an admirer of Ms. Dowd's. It is hard to imagine her now getting press credentials for any presidential press conferences whatsoever. Of course, the old AKC policy of denying the press entry to Delegate meetings, as well as refusing to hold any press conferences whatsoever after its meetings, will continue with the following refinement. All Delegates now on the private delegate e-line are officially to be considered bloggers, and as a result will gain access to private interviews and discussions with all the new officers. The only caveat being presented is that in an effort to appease certain representatives and their constituents, all Delegates must be married or living with members of the opposite sex, and proof of consummation of the relationship must be obtained prior to becoming a Delegate. That, of course, is one way to keep the professional judge from becoming a member of the Delegate Body—but of course that is an aside and my own personal observation. On an entirely different subject, in my private talks with Mr. Trump, he agreed to put on hold all new judges applications, as well as to hold off on approving any new breeds for existing judges. He is demanding that anyone interested in judging be invited and/or encouraged to become a judge by a qualified group of individuals. The old theory of self-appointment to judging status is to be altered such that reviews of not only an individual's background in the breed is scrutinized but their ability to perform as a judge is to be analyzed as well. Similarly, all members of the Dog Writers Association, instead of nominating their own works, will be invited to submit articles, stories and the like according to category, which will then be awarded based on non-members' decisions. As to judges themselves, there will be periodic reviews of performances prior to any new breeds being awarded and no one will automatically be granted status as a Best in Show judge. It is Mr. Trump's hope to geographically set-up Len Brumby-type tsars, who will eventually make the final decision as to who will judge and who is to get more breeds or have breeds taken away He has total confidence in Miss Jolie’s ability to get the proper input from impartial people within the sport to determine who should be designated paying tsar of a particular geographic region. Additionally, he stressed the need to cap the fees of all judges as well to assure the fact that judges are to be limited to the number of times they may judge the same exhibit in a year's time period. Next week, of course, is a return to reality, but in the meantime I hope you got a chuckle or two from this April Fool's article. Perhaps some of the stuff written wasn't so totally in jest but that's up to you to determine individually, I would think. •

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